Calmly Tackling Adversity

Recently I was watching a college football game and heard the broadcasters praise the head coach of the winning team.  They said the coach always remained calm.

They said he would calmly address a mistake from a player.  He didn’t yell.  He didn’t scream.  He didn’t spend his energy trying to display his leadership to those watching.  Instead he had confidence in his ability and would simply do the right thing. 

I read an article a few years ago about coaching.  The article claimed that the best coaches are the ones that use a caring approach.  They care about the player first, and then work to correct issues and grow strengths. 

They contrasted this with the more common type of coaching where the coach seems to be doing everything to make them look better in the eyes of the fans.

They gave an example of a coach who witnessed a mistake by a player and then proceeded to yell and scream at the player in front of all the fans and parents.  The author claimed that the coach did that solely to make sure those watching knew that he didn’t approve of that mistake, that it wasn’t his fault.

The coach didn’t care about the wellbeing of the player.  Instead they were only focused on their own reputation as a tough coach who didn’t let players make mistakes. Another great resource is the book, “Coaching Up! Inspiring Peak Performance When It Matters Most.”

I was coaching my daughter’s tee ball team and would see this behavior often from coaches.  Players would do something that the coach didn’t approve of.  The coach knew they told that player numerous times not to do what they did wrong.  The coach’s frustration would mean that they would have even more of a desire to make sure everyone else knew it wasn’t their fault the player messed up.   

As a coach I understand this.  I understand the frustration when a player doesn’t listen and does something wrong.  It is the same frustration when our children do something we specifically taught them not to do. 

But in these frustrating times, the best approach isn’t to get frustrated and then work to defend our own ego.  Yelling and screaming so that everyone can hear that you don’t approve of the behavior doesn’t help.  That doesn’t help the player perform better next time. 

Having to work through this as a coach, parent, and even as a manager at work, I’ve learned that it is actually much more difficult said than done.  Sure, just remain calm when your blood is boiling from someone doing something that you told them over and over was wrong. 

But learning to remain calm is a much better approach.  Through calmness we can tackle adversity by thinking clearly.  We can put the welfare of those involved at the forefront.  We can make adjustments to our own approach to get the message through.   

If we can’t control our emotions and remain calm, then we simply react.  We don’t think through what we are trying to accomplish.  We don’t see things systematically.  All we do is take a linear thinking approach by taking an event and then immediately responding. 

Remaining calm through challenging situations is beneficial when we are working to improve in some way.  There will be obstacles.  Adversity will hit us.  But if we can remain calm we can slowly work through each challenge to get better and help those around us get better.