Hot and Cold Empathy Gap

We all get motivated from time to time. Maybe we watch a documentary on some ultra successful businessman. Or we hear about some harrowing journey. We listen to an acceptance speech from an actor, or pro athlete, telling us to follow our passion.

Whatever it is, we get a jolt of energy, a push to do something extraordinary. The more we contemplate it, the more power emerges within us. We commit to do it, whatever it is for us.

Maybe we decide to finally quit our job to find a better one. Or we decide to start a business. Or we claim we are going run a marathon, or get in shape.

This is normal. We all do it. But the problem isn’t that excitement. The problem is that once we start to face the challenging parts, our motivation crumbles. We lose steam. Our passion turns into complacency.

What we are facing is called the Hot Cold Empathy Gap. This is the gap between those cold moments we are far from the struggles and the hot moments when we have to take the difficult steps.

In Can’t Hurt Me, author and Navy SEAL David Goggins says, “It’s funny, humans tend to hatch our most challenging goals and dreams, the ones that demand our greatest effort yet promise absolutely nothing, when we are tucked into our comfort zones.”

Later he says, “I was comfortable. And looking back, every single time I’ve been inspired to do something difficult, I was in a soft environment, because it all sounds doable when you’re chilling on your couch, with a glass of lemonade or chocolate shake in your hand.”

Realize that this is normal. Everyone feels this way. Then slow down your ambitions when these are comfortable. Instead of expecting massive improvement overnight, work to get started. Learn how to start. Then learn how to focus on making progress.

As you make progress, you will have a better understanding of what it will take. Then you can decide if that is what you want. If so, keep working at it, keep making progress. Use the momentum to let the work you put in compound.

But when you strive for incredible goals without putting any work into it, you will keep failing. Instead of making progress and getting better, you will reinforce the willingness to quit.

Most of us will never reach the levels of achievement as any Navy SEAL, let alone David Goggins who runs ultramarathons and had the world record for number of pull ups. But that doesn’t mean we can’t improve. We can. We can get better. We can make progress. But we have to learn how to tackle those hot moments, not daydream from our couch.

Those hot moments are the crucial ones that determine success or failure. The dream is less important than the work you put in. If you are willing to do the work, the dream helps guide you. If you refuse to do the work, the dream taunts you. It is up to you to determine what you do with that ambition and how you ultimately turn desire for more into success.