Take Ownership
Scott Miker
I could never be a politician. Besides the fact that I don’t align with any major political party, I would not be successful. There are many reasons why my skills and ability would leave me struggling in any political role, despite the level of authority and responsibility.
The biggest challenge for me is that I don’t think in groups. I think in terms of the individual. When a politician sees that a certain group should be treated differently or laws should be passed to oversee everyone, I tend to disagree. I feel more harm is often done with these policies.
When we look at large groups and create absolutes about them, we minimize the individual culpability within the group. We say that nobody in that group can do something different because they are within that group.
That is the basis for many laws in the U.S. We say it isn’t their fault as an individual and pass laws to help their group. Broad laws that are trying to help a group, often create conflict with those inside the group that don’t follow convention.
Instead, I tend to see the individual’s level of control within that group. I’ve studied systems thinking for years and see how each individual is part of the group but doesn’t have to follow everything about that group. They have control, but they often give that control away.
I’ve written many times about taking 100% responsibility in our lives. This isn’t to guilt us when things go wrong. It isn’t even to take ownership of failures. It is to gain control over the future.
If we say that everything in our lives, up to this point, is 100% on us, then going forward our future will be determined 100% by what we decide to do. How we interact with a changing, often chaotic, environment means we still take ownership over those areas we don’t completely control. Yet politics tend to downplay individual autonomies within the system.
This is a difficult perspective to take. Our ego screams that it isn’t our fault when failures happen. They convince us it was someone or something else’s fault. That creates a pattern of behavior that searches for a nice easy scapegoat while on the path, instead of putting all energy towards succeeding.
We start to drive towards failure with a reason, not success. Most people in the world are striving for failure and they don’t realize it. Success is different than failure with a reason. They are ok with a failure as long as it isn’t their fault, and they don’t get blamed for it.
Success is different. The successful push past those external roadblocks. They refuse to let those obstacles stop them from succeeding. When failure happens, they don’t point to the roadblocks, they say it was their own fault.
When people strive for failure with a reason, they often reach that goal. When they strive for success, they are more likely to meet success than failure but still fail many times. It is easier to plan for failure with a reason. It is easier to start accumulating reasons along the way and packaging them in our minds for a nice, neat, excuse ready to use at a moment’s notice.
Striving for success doesn’t get any reprieve for these reasons. Instead, they see them as obstacles they need to overcome and push beyond.
The reason so many people fall into this category is because it is human nature. It saves our ego. We all have an ego driving us every day. We aren’t talking about the big-headed celebrity ego we are talking about that incessant voice inside our heads that won’t stop talking. The one that believes we are what we have, what we do, and what others think about us.
The answer is humility. Remaining humble allows us to put the failure on our shoulders. We stop pushing the blame to others and take ownership. From here we can finally gain control.
We take responsibility for our past to control our future. We now own our failures, regardless of the reasons for failure. It changes our behavior. We become more resilient, more persistent towards our goals.
Politicians are completely void of this type of thinking. They are experts at finding the reasons why it isn’t a group’s fault (usually their constituency). Rarely do we hear, “Ask not what your country can do for you.” More often we hear that the politician and his or her constituency was perfect in their decision-making, and it is someone else’s fault that a group struggles.
The ownership never gets placed on the individual. It would sound like blame. It would be political suicide to criticize their own side. But this takes control out of the equation and makes all parties look like innocent victims, incapable of anything better. The best politicians convince people it isn’t ever their fault, and instead is someone else’s fault. So, nobody improves. They just sit back blaming someone else for their own shortcomings, inadequacies, and mistakes.
I’m not saying this is wrong. This is the system. In many ways this system works. But for someone who fights against human nature to shed ego from decisions and take responsibility to gain control, we abhor the political system. It counters our message that we can all improve our lives but it is up to us to do the work.
The best way to be content and happy in life is to avoid this ego-driven game of striving for failure with a reason. Deep down inside we know the failure means we still failed. When we own it, the guilt we are hiding from appears but is often much weaker than we thought. It isn’t as crushing once we own it because we can then take steps to remedy it and fix what caused the failure in the first place.
In other words, the reason we let our ego stop us from success was to avoid the guilt associated with failure. But that guilt isn’t as painful as we assume. If we own it, that discomfort changes to next steps and the ability to move on.
To be successful we can’t live in the failure with a reason realm. Success is much different. We must strive to overcome obstacles, not build them up even more so we have a scapegoat. If we remain humble and take responsibility the scapegoat doesn’t matter. When it doesn’t matter, that means we look at how to overcome the obstacle, not build it up even more.
This is heavy information. Most people will hear these words, agree with them, and then continue their current efforts. They hear this and assume they are one of the few that take responsibility. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. It is human nature. The ego exists in all of us. Remaining humble is possible but not probable.
Therefore, if you read this thinking it applies to someone you know, reread it, and assume it applies to you. Because even if you do a good job remaining humble and taking responsibility, you will gain more from this insight if you assume you still have a long way to go. When you see it as a continuum you realize there is always better. Work towards that better state instead of finding a way to avoid taking 100% responsibility by saying someone else is worse than you.
This would be a terrible platform for a politician. It would cast everyone as culpable instead of finding political enemies to rally the troops. Instead, we all want those scapegoats, and the best politicians are experts at finding them and pointing the collective finger their way.
If you want proof of this, head over to any liberal or conservative media. You will notice a clear tone of which group was right and which group was wrong. They are echo chambers for pointing fingers and experts at twisting everything to fit their narrative. Even though the other side seems to be observing something completely different (even when it is the same event). Yet neither side does anything other than cast blame. If the goal is to take 100% responsibility, they take 0%. If you align with one party, you are probably thinking, “yeah because we are right, and they are wrong” justifying the fact that taking 0% is right because they are wrong. This is despite the fact that the other side is saying the same thing about you. You throw them under the bus as they throw you under it. Don’t be surprised when you are both getting trampled.
Learn how to break free from this mental model. Learn how to take responsibility to gain control and freedom over your life. Slowly move towards taking 100% responsibility. Start by taking 10% if that is all you can muster. Then move it to 20%, 30%, 40% until you finally start seeing the value in being responsible for your life.
Once you do this, you realize how silly the finger pointing and scapegoating is. You realize it leads to failure with a reason, not success. Success and happiness can be attained by refusing to play the blame game and start striving towards ownership of your life.
Note - taking responsibility of your decisions is important but sometimes we are truly victimized. We should always rely on mental health professionals if we become victims. Click here to read an article that helps describe the distinction between taking responsibility for our lives and being a victim where taking responsibility may not be the best approach.