Taking Responsibility

I write a lot of articles about taking responsibility for one’s life. It is important that we learn how to take responsibility so that we can gain control of life and work to improve.

But as with anything in life, the answer of should you take full responsibility isn’t clear cut. To improve, most of us need to move away from blaming others and work on what we can control, not what others have done. But sometimes it truly is something another person did.

Sometimes a person is a victim. They were victimized and it was through no fault of their own. There are plenty of examples of people being taken advantage of and hurt by someone else, usually in a position of power or authority.

These situations require a more nuanced and empathetic approach. Professionals should be implored to help the victim. We should avoid doing anything that looks like we are blaming the victim.

But when I speak about taking 100% responsibility, I am NOT referring to these situations. I am referring to the individuals who were not victimized but are still blaming others for what they dislike about their life.

Most authors avoid this distinction or take it for granted in their writing when they say to take responsibility for your actions and for your decisions. I haven’t always clearly explained it either. Yet, we must always understand this distinction.

Yes, for most of us who haven’t been victimized we should take responsibility to gain control of our life and work towards improvement. But when someone is truly a victim, we must have empathy for them and work towards justice, not simply control over the future.

If you are constantly blaming everyone else for what you don’t like about your life, start to shift towards taking 100% responsibility. This will give you control over the future and the ability to get better. If you were never the victim or taken advantage of, you are likely blaming others for things within your control.

However, if you were victimized, the situation is much different. You should make sure you don’t add unnecessary guilt for someone else doing something terrible. A mental health professional is best to help you see that it is NOT your fault.

This is just one of the many ways life is complex and not always black and white. There is a massive grey area between the extremes.

Taking control of your life and working towards improvement is helpful but remember there is a difference between taking responsibility so you avoid blaming others for aspects you can influence, and putting blame and guilt on yourself when it wasn’t your fault.

When I refer to taking 100% responsibility, I am referring to the daily approach we take and the attitude we have, not these cases of true victimization. If we blame everything on everyone else, we will benefit from taking responsibility. If we were victimized, this isn’t the right approach.

I’ve read tons of books on this topic from many different authors and some call this out and others do not. Regardless, this distinction is important and one that shouldn’t be understated. Either way, we should always make sure we don’t attach the wrong message to the wrong situation.

Taking 100% responsibility is to gain control and help you improve your life but there are exceptions where this isn’t the best method. Those situations are best handled by mental health professionals who will help with the specifics of each situation to determine the proper approach to take.