The culture around you influences you

Most improvement books talk about how much the environment impacts our thoughts and behaviors. Those around us have an impact on us. Sometimes this is obvious and sometimes this is subtle.

Parents have understood this for generations. That is why parents are always concerned when their son or daughter starts hanging out with the wrong crowd. Sure, our son or daughter could be a positive influence on those in the group but those in the group will also be an influence on our son or daughter.

But how many of us actively look at this in our own life? How often do we analyze who we are spending time with? Do we design our life to be around positive influences more than negative influences?

I was recently interviewed for a podcast on self-improvement and the interviewer asked about influences in my life. I told him about many of the close ones, such as my family and friends.

Then I mentioned that a lot of the positive influence in my life actually came from reading. I was able to find positive authors and read their stories. By doing this over and over they started to influence me.

We had a little discussion around this and he said that he sees that all the time. He talks to people who are refining their life through books. We can completely control the types of books we read. This is how we can have total control over our influences.

Even if you feel that everyone around you brings you down, realize that we all can control this source of input in our lives. It might be easier for some than others but we all can head to the library to find some examples of positive individuals.

In Angela Duckworth’s book Grit, she points to this cultural influence. She says, “Short-term conformity effects are not what excite me about the power of culture to influence grit. Not exactly.”

Then she says, “What excites me most is the idea that, in the long run, culture has the power to shape our identity. Over time and under the right circumstances, the norms and values of the group to which we belong become our own. We internalize them. We carry them with us. The way we do things around here and why eventually becomes the way I do things and why.”

This can be a great thing if we have great role models around us. It can be a terrible thing if the culture doesn’t align with what you believe to be right and wrong.

Years ago I was working in an environment that didn’t match my own beliefs. It was a very political business environment. To succeed, you had to network with the right people. It wasn’t about work ethic or performance but who you aligned with.

I started to realize that I was well-liked and had the opportunity to advance my career if I stayed. But I also realized that who I had to become wasn’t who I wanted to be. It felt misaligned.

That culture was great for many but for me I felt I needed a change. I would rather struggle through the right environment where I could grow, rather than compromise on how I worked.

It is often difficult to see these cultural impacts on us. To start we can make sure we associate our beliefs with those around us. If there is a drastic mismatch, then we work to change our environment.

Culture has an impact on us all. We have some control by making changes to our environment and who spend our time with. We can focus on new inputs in our life such as reading inspiring authors. But if we do nothing, we run the risk of becoming someone who we don’t want to be.