Learn How to Manipulate Yourself

Most people would love to be able to manipulate the world around them to make it better for them. They focus their energy on finding a way to do this.

They rebel against authority. They guilt their loved ones to act in their wishes. They argue at the grocery store for a better price. They complain about the government or their boss or the police or their health insurance costs or any number of other things in life.

But rare it is for someone to instead work to manipulate themselves. Instead of learning the systems around us and then manipulating us to better achieve our desires, we try to break these complex, ingrained systems.

These systems are very difficult to change. They are ingrained in society. Systems are all around us and operating at all times.

If we come into conflict with one of these systems, most people view the system as being wrong. They assume that the system needs to change to better suite their needs.

When this doesn’t happen, they complain. They blame everything around them for their own failures. They refuse to do what is necessary to grow and improve. They become complacent.

When I was younger, I was this way. I saw the atrocities in the world. I saw things that were unfair. I felt entitled to more than what I was receiving.

I was able to experience this mindset first-hand. But when we act this way, we usually don’t realize that we are doing it. We assume we have bad luck. Or, we assume the world is unfair and unjust. We feel others are out to get us and hurt us.

The reality is that these elements are all part of larger, more complex systems. Every system has many interconnecting elements. Some of these, when viewed individually, are seen as good and some are seen as bad.

But the full system is in charge. Those are ramifications of the system. They are symptoms of the system. But to change those symptoms, you usually have the change the full system.

That is almost impossible in many situations. We can’t rewrite the traffic laws to allow us to do whatever we wish without penalty. We can’t change the weather systems to make it sunny and warm.

But that doesn’t mean we are powerless. Whether we realize it or not, we are an active part of those systems.

Imagine someone playing baseball for the first time. They get up to bat and say they should get 5 strikes before they are out. The rules of the game are very clear. They can’t change the rules to accommodate their own desires.

As ridiculous as that sounds, most people approach life in the same way. They want there to be 5 strikes for them. They argue with those enforcing the rules. They complain to anyone within earshot about the unfairness.

We can try to change the rules in baseball. We can try to change the system. But the system is powerful. We can’t snap our fingers and change it. We can’t get everything to change for us.

So, we have to change. We can control us. We can learn to play within the rules to succeed. We can stop complaining about what is right or wrong. We can learn the systems and then act within those systems.

Instead of manipulating the system to better suite us, we manipulate us to better fit the system. That way we can gain from the system. We can improve and grow. We can achieve more. We can be happier.

I have two young daughters. Often, they do something that is against the rules. My wife and I reinforce the rules and discipline when necessary.

They usually respond by saying we are unfair. They say they only pushed their sister because she stole her crayon. In her mind it was justified. But the rules are clear. No pushing.

As they grow, I can see them starting to develop the self-discipline needed to follow the rules. They know our response to pushing is never going to be to tell them it is ok. So, the only response to the system we created is to develop the proper self-discipline to control their behavior.

But as adults, we are often too stubborn to do this. Instead of learning to stop metaphorically pushing our sister, we keep pushing her and complain that we are being unfairly treated. Or, we stop pushing her but complain to everyone that we are being oppressed.

Instead we can learn from these systematic boundaries. We can learn the rules of the system. Then we can learn how to get ahead in the system. Continuing to try to get 5 strikes in baseball is pointless. Learning to hit the ball before getting 3 strikes is a lot easier.

Some people might read this and think it means to let people walk all over them. That isn’t what this means. Instead, understand the system. Respond in appropriate ways. Don’t assume the system will change to suite your desires. Instead, work with the system to create the outcome you desire.

Life becomes much more pleasant when we can manipulate our own thoughts and behavior. When we develop the self-discipline to succeed with the current system, we will start to gain leverage. Then, if we want the system to change, we have a better shot at succeeding.

If there is a law that is unfair to you, you have many options. You can break the rule and then rebel when you get caught. Or you can learn the legal system, go to law school and change the law. Or you can change your behavior and follow the rule.

Changing the system is incredibly difficult. But you have a much better shot if you have the self-discipline to learn the system, adapt to the system, and then change the system. But it all starts with the shift from wanting to manipulate the systems to being able to manipulate our self.