Honest self-assessment is key to systematic improvement

We all have a hard time seeing things objectively. We distort reality to fit our preconceived notions about the world.

This isn’t something that is done by someone with some mental disorder. Everyone does this. That means you. That also means me.

As soon as I start talking to groups about this, someone will almost always say, “yea my (brother, sister, cousin, child, parent, friend, coworker, etc) needs to hear this. They never see things clearly and always think they are right.”

The problem is that ALL of us do this. Even the person seeing the faults in someone else, is ignoring many faults in themselves.

So stop. Stop seeing this as so-and-so’s problem. It is yours and it is mine. Let’s start there.

We have to learn how to take 100% responsibility for our lives and our situations. Sure there are always going to be outside factors. But the tendency of humans is to take credit for the good stuff and pass off the bad stuff to others. In our minds, we are perfect and everyone else is flawed.

Even when people hear this, they push back. They say, “yea that’s true for most people but not me. I see my faults. But I just don’t really have many.”

This is a clear sign that this individual is being held back by this belief. Because they can’t see their part in the systems, they won’t be able to improve the systems.

In Reon Schutte’s book, Set Yourself Free, Reon Schutte’s 10 Principles to Break Out of Your Personal Prison through The Power of Choice, he addresses this. He writes about being a POW captured and thrown in one of Africa’s harshest prisons.

He says, “It is only when you have really, truly accepted the reality of your circumstances that you can identify action steps that fit the reality of the situation, and then begin to change it.”

I like to think of it like this. If I am 100% responsible for my life up to this point, then going forward I am 100% in control of how I want my life to unfold.

If I blame others for my current situation, then I give external factors too much control. In my mind, external factors will also control everything in the future, as it was in my past.

Developing the ability to clarify the reality could help you start to see the control that you have in life. You could even have a bias against yourself to help see what weakness you hold.

You start to counter that internal voice that wants to protect your ego. That voice wants to take credit for the good and blame others for the bad. We counter that voice by doing the opposite.

We praise others for the good and take credit for the bad. This doesn’t mean we beat ourselves up. No, we start to see that there are good things in the world. Sometimes external sources will help you, not hurt you. And sometimes you make the mistakes.

But now we can move forward in a different manner. We can proceed confidently, knowing we have control. Some things will be outside of our control but we always have the ability to choose how we respond to those outside forces.

Self-improvement is possible. But most of the time the person that stops us from improving is us. We get in our own way. We do this to protect our ego. We do this to pass blame. We do this to try to help us feel better by feeling less guilt.

But this also stops us from seeing things objectively. And worse, it gives away control to improve the future.