Be the determining factor to gain control

Most of us have a lot of control in our life. But we don’t have total control. We can’t simply quit our job and travel the world. We can’t force our family to do what we want. We don’t have enough money to buy whatever we like.

This leads many people to focus on the areas that are out of their control. Their focus shifts to be on the things they wish they had control over.

How many times have we been at a happy occasion but can’t stop thinking about what happened at work? Or we are at work and can’t stop thinking about the fight with our spouse/kids/neighbor/friend etc.?

For some reason, human thinking has evolved to focus on the problems. We take for granted the good and emphasize the bad.

The problem is that this gives away our control. Our power comes from our ability to choose. When we see the world as one bad experience after another it is easy to give away that power.

We become a victim. Sure, there are bad things in life. We all are victimized at some point in life. Sometimes this is small and sometimes it is devastating.

Reon Schutte was a special forces operator who was captured and thrown into one of the worst prisons in the world. He was there for 12 years. The guards beat him every day. They starved him. They brutalized him.

Through his experience, he was able to gain control. He started to realize that he still had control over his mind. This meant that it was up to him, not anyone else.

But for the first few years he responded the way we all would. He let the actions of others color his mind. He gave up control over the one thing that was his to decide.

In his book, Set Yourself Free, he says, “What is reprogramming your mind really all about? Choosing to respond differently than you normally do. The challenge comes in with the fact that your responses have been ingrained in your for so long, they have become automatic. But just as you trained yourself in one response, it is possible to train yourself in another.”

He goes on to say, “This is what I mean when I say that happiness is a choice and that you are the Determining Factor in your own happiness.”

This comes from a former prisoner, beaten and starved daily, living for more than 10 years in one of the worst prison environments in the world. For him to say this it should mean something.

If he can conquer his thoughts and be happy, why can’t you and me? The reality is that we can. We can gain the same control. But we have to realize that we are the determining factor.

We have to learn how to systematically reprogram our mind. We have to take the circumstances around us and choose our response.

Don’t give away your control. Don’t ignore the positive to search for the negative. Instead, learn how to control your emotions and thoughts around these.

Allow yourself to be the determining factor. Allow yourself to be accountable. Learn how to accept the negative. Learn how to take responsibility.

This will allow you to see your role in your life. It will provide a glimpse into the world that you contributed to. It wasn’t solely your decision, but it certainly required you playing your role to create the current situation.

But, if it was you who controlled the situation. If it is you who is 100% responsible for your life. If it was you to blame for the negative events. Then it is you who can decide what the future looks like.

You gain control by accepting your part. You become the determining factor in life. By being the determining factor you might get the blame but you also get the control to determine the future.