Freedom and Purpose means Responsibility and Tediousness

Systems thinking helps us to see underlying systems throughout our lives. One element that emerges is the idea that many things in life are paradoxical.

This means that the opposite exists along with it. An example can be found by looking at how we define beauty. Beauty only exists because ugliness exists. If there was only beauty, there wouldn’t even be a word for it. Beauty only makes sense when contrasted with things that are not beautiful.

Another example is being smart. Imagine a world where everyone had the exact same intelligence level. Without the contrast between smart and not smart, the adjective doesn’t hold meaning.

We need both sides. They go together, even though they are opposites. The system doesn’t make sense with only one half. The picture of the yin and yang is a visual of how these opposites coexist.

Yet in life, we often shun one side and focus solely on growing the other side. We disregard the opposite political party. We want world peace, but still expect force to be used against evil. We want management jobs without doing the difficult work of managing others.

When I was younger, I went through a process to focus my life. I felt too many things pulling me in many directions. I had to figure out what was important to me?

I came through that process with 2 words. My life had to include freedom and purpose.

Freedom was important. I wasn’t someone who could go along with what others wanted me to do. I had to have the freedom of choice. I wanted to make sure I was in control of my life and could do what I choose, not what was chosen for me.

The other focus was on purpose. I had to have meaning. I wasn’t great at just showing up and going through the motions. I had to believe in what I was doing. There had to be meaning.

This sounds great but it is incomplete. The reason it was incomplete was because I didn’t address the paradox.

Freedom

My daughters are growing up quickly and I find myself having to cross new thresholds every day. I recall when my older daughter first asked to go play with the neighborhood children without me. I was nervous. For some reason, I got so used to being with her in these environments. I could protect her from dangers. I could correct any undesirable behavior. I could calm her if she was upset. Suddenly that was all gone, and I realized she would have to do those things alone.

As I released my grip over her freedom, I learned that she had to hold up her part. If I said she could play for a bit, she had to come home when told to. I felt like my role was changing. I went from being the crutch, to being something afar that could help but only when asked.

But in the early days, I kept repeating myself to her. “Freedom means Responsibility!” I would tell her when she didn’t hold up her part of the bargain and didn’t make it home when called.

I must have said it a lot because the other day she told me that freedom means responsibility. I guess she listen sometimes.

It reminded me of the connection of freedom and responsibility. Being responsible means taking away some freedom. Instead of doing whatever you want, you have to do what is right. While paradoxical, the way to earn more freedom is to be more responsible.

In the corporate environment, this connection is very clear. As someone moves up the corporate ladder, they are given more freedom to accomplish necessary tasks. It is up to them to decide how to help the company succeed. Nobody tells the VP when they have to check their email or not to use their cell phone. But many warehouse workers are monitored to make sure they aren’t using their cell phone during work hours. There are rules around checking and responding to emails.

As you move up the ladder, less is dictated to you. The processes aren’t all flushed out. It is up to you to create those structures and habits to be successful. So with that freedom comes more responsibility. Instead of only worrying about your job, you have others you are responsible for. If they screw up, you get in trouble for it.

If you crave freedom in life, then take responsibility. That is a sure way to allow you more freedom. Take care of what you need to by yourself, without others telling you what to do.

Purpose

My second focus in life, purpose, is also paradoxical. Focusing on purpose means you have to do things you don’t want to do. Things that matter, might not be things that you enjoy doing.

Having a sense of purpose means you do what is necessary, not what you enjoy. You work the steps required to succeed. But you don’t have the freedom to say, “I don’t care.” Again, another double-edged sword. You can’t have one side without the other.

Years ago I took on a great opportunity. There was a growing company that needed help structuring their operations. To continue to grow they needed their operations improved.

It was up to me to make the company scaleable. I was in charge of the systems. I had to document them, improve them and make sure everyone followed them.

It was a big undertaking but it gave me a great sense of purpose. Along with that purpose came a whole lot of stuff that was difficult. Getting everyone on board meant disciplining certain employees. Getting systems documented meant hours and hours typing up boring processes and procedures.

But have that driving purpose in my work was the important part. It didn't mean everything was enjoyable and purposeful. Some tasks were tedious but needed to get done. So, I had to do them. I had to do the things I didn't like doing to be able to have purpose in my work.

Just as freedom means responsibility and purpose means doing things you don’t want to do, all life is paradoxical. So, don’t get too caught up in absolutes and extremes. Those things hold the opposites in them, and those opposites can be as extreme. Instead accept both sides as you work towards what is important to you.