Work on Changing Your Conditioned Tendencies

Our behaviors follow patterns. We react in similar ways when confronted with similar stimuli. In certain environments we act by doing the same thing we have always done.

We often feel we have control over these types of autopilot thoughts and behavior. But time and time again we react and think about what’s happening much less than we realize.

The reality is that humans are great at developing conditioned tendencies (CTs). It is almost like we follow a script in certain situations. Many times these are when our emotions increase, such as when we get stressed, nervous or angry.

In Now or Never – Your Epic Life in 5 Steps by Alexi Panos and Preston Smiles, the authors talk about conditioned tendencies. They first ask, “How do you operate when shit hits the fan? How do you perform under pressure? When you’re faced with a transition or change, what do you notice about your body and your reactions?”

They go on to say, “How we act in situations like these are called our conditioned tendencies (CTs). Traditionally, CTs consist of four main reactions: fight, flight, freeze, and appease. These are automatic patterns ingrained in us as to how we react to varying circumstances; these patterns are based on the environment we grew up in and how we’ve been unconsciously trained ourselves or been trained by others.”

Most people spend little time trying to change these automatic responses. We say, “Oh that is just who I am.” We accept them and therefore continue to strengthen them throughout life.

But often these are holding you back. These ingrained thoughts and behaviors pull you towards a certain life. That life could be one that you may not even want.

Most of us don’t pay attention to them. We dismiss their impact on life. We point to external factors and spend our time praising our thoughts and actions while condemning the external events.

In reality, we are contributing to these external factors. We are always interacting with the life around us. This means that if we aren’t where we want to be, we are the ones responsible, nobody else.

We have to find a way to uncover these unconscious thoughts and behavior tendencies. Then we have to change them. This is much easier said than done.

Some people try to do this through their thoughts. They see the power in our thoughts and assume we can will our way to a better conditioned response.

But we create conditioned tendencies by doing the same thing over and over again. We didn't create them through thinking alone.

That means that many try to break these automated aspects of life with the exact opposite approach to how they formed. Instead of looking at consistently changing what we do, we try to change our thoughts once. But changing once doesn't usually generate lasting change.

This always leads to failure. Changing ingrained habits, we have to see their structure and follow the same structure that built them.

This structure always looks similar. We face a situation for the first time and react based on what is best or what feels best in the moment. The next time we face a similar situation we react in a similar manner. Each time we face a similar situation we react in a similar manner, over and over and over.

At some point we become aware of the pattern but can’t recall the first time it happened. It all sort of blends together in our mind until we start to think, “that is always the way it has been.”

To change, we have to attack the conditioned tendency in the same way we created it. We have to focus on slowly and methodically changing what we do.

One trick is to start very small. Don’t try to change everything all at once. Instead start to change your routines. The key, though, is to be consistent with those changes. Don’t do it once and expect it to stick.

If we can start to tweak our routines, we can start to rewrite those ingrained, unconscious elements in our life. We can learn how to change habits in the same method that we formed them. Then we can keep adding more and more improvement. We can add consistency by following the new patterns. This will lead us to better conditioned tendencies and a better life.