Shattering the known

Sometimes we experience a shift in our mindsets that goes against everything we thought we knew. It could be through tragedy or extreme circumstance but sometimes it is a subtle jab at us that proves us wrong.

I’ve had many of these moments. Many weren’t significant, except that the mental change stood out to me.

One such time was when reading the book Change Your Thoughts- Change Your Life by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. The book highlights the wisdom from the Tao Te Ching.

The Tao holds many paradoxical explanations of life. Most of it revolves around the idea that we should do the opposite of what we assume to get the results we are after.

I recall sitting at the pool getting into a contentious discussion with my girlfriend at the time (now my wife). Because I was reading the book, I decided to change my tactics.

Instead of arguing my side, I tried to understand her point of view. As I did, I started to see what she was coming from and that she was right more than I was. It humbled me.

Because I experienced this shift in perspective, I changed my stance to a softer one that highlighted that I understood her side. The argument halted and she admitted that she was being a bit harsh also, coming over to my side a bit.

The gap between us disappeared. It was strange. It wasn’t manipulation. I didn’t trick her into my side. I legitimately took her side and suddenly the argument ended with her meeting me in the middle.

Another time this happened was when I read What is Relativity? by Jeffery Bennett outlining Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. This changed my view of the world in a massive way. Many absolutes in my mind vanished into relative, flexible states. This includes time and space. The crux of what Einstein found did not match common knowledge.

The other day I experienced another one of these. I was taking an advanced guitar course on Udemy. I’ve played the guitar for over 25 years. But I’ve kept to certain styles and methods of playing, often ignoring key aspects in the process.

While I mastered the areas in which I focused, I didn’t understand others. I started to explore lead guitar with a new electric guitar and wanted to improve my lead playing. The course expanded my knowledge and translated to improved performance.

But at one point in the course, the instructor casually mentioned something that answered questions that I had. I had found that certain notes outside the scale and key of the song sounded great. I didn’t fully understand why. In fact, I didn’t even know how to ask a question about it because it confused me so much.

For most situations, the best way to play lead was to stick to the key and play within the scale, with the occasional note outside of that key. Here, the instructor explained how to overlap a different scale entirely to make great music. It was simple. I tried it out and was astonished that it explained systematically what I couldn’t comprehend for so many songs.

Suddenly a bunch of songs that didn’t seem to make sense fit this new structure. I started to realize that certain songs that seemed “wrong” but sounded great were using this common tactic. I never knew this was a thing, I just thought they stumbled upon something interesting.

Yet they were following a new pattern and a new system for playing. Once I was taught the system, I could identify it. I saw many songs using this “trick” within their song. Now that I know about this system, I can’t go back and unlearn this.

Some will resist these moments with everything they have, fearful of change and worried it makes them look wrong. This is their ego fighting for their side instead of seeing they are incorrect. But to learn and grow, we must be humble enough to see the new wisdom and take it in.

Each of these three examples made me feel stupid in the moment. I had the feeling that I should have already known this and how could I be so naïve. But I didn’t figure this out and was living by something that wasn’t correct.

When you experience these moments, put your guard down. Stop resisting and fighting for what you think you know. Because the more you do it, the more you start to realize that to get wiser means your current thoughts are less smart. Look at these at a passage through rather than a breaking down. Realize that resisting is blocking the lesson.

People say to keep an open mind but sometimes it is best to hold on to beliefs. But don’t hold on so tight that you miss learning opportunities. Humble yourself and accept that some of the things you know today are wrong. That is the only way to learn what is correct. That is the only way to grow our knowledge. That is the way to better understand the world around us.